The Why Returns

All these years later, I still can’t watch videos of him. I’m so thankful to have them, but it still hurts too badly. I was looking for something on my YouTube and just had to click on this one. I couldn’t listen through to the end, but wanted to share it.
So many emotions come to the surface as I let it take me back to that time, however briefly. The biggest one is the heartbreak that little girl has endured. Her Daddy was her person and they were as tight as a dad and daughter could be.
I stopped asking, the why question a long time ago. I came to realize that I will just never know the answer to that on this side of heaven. But today, as I watched this briefly, that question hit my heart again like a ton of bricks.
Why did my kids lose their dad at such young ages? Their lives have been so incredibly hard as a result. Why did they get robbed of having that man in their lives? They needed him. They still need him.
I remind myself again that I just won’t know that answer and let myself feel the heartbreak and anger. I will again give those feelings over to God and ask Him to bring peace to my heart.
Just needed to let it out a little bit today.

Jonathan & Brenna

4 responses to “The Why Returns”

  1. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    With a heavy heart I watched your late husband’s video singing in Church alongwith your daughter. He is in a place where you will join him too. We are all going to die one fine day. Consider yourself for having found eternal love. There are many unlucky like myself in this world who, despite their best efforts, have not found any love and probably will die unloved one fine day. Seeing your story gives me a hope that there is a love like yourself out there for someone like me who will also grieve me like you are grieving your hubby. Love you and your beautiful kids. He is in heaven because of your love, I assure you 🙂


  2. Beautiful video your children will be grateful for this in time to come. Grieving does not seem to get easier as time goes on. My Father passed away 30 years ago just before Christmas every year the pain of missing him is more real. Around his anniversary I spend much time speaking to his spirit and remember the past and talk a little of the future. Remember Jon your husband is only a thought away from you and always at your side. Your bond was a good one. You were lucky to have real love in your life. The loss is great as the love stretches throughout the Universal Consciousness. Bless you Joni.


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