So, I have always hated hearing a couple of phrases.
1) It’s time to move on.
2) It’s time to let go.
They are like nails down a chalkboard and they hurt my heart. If you have never lost someone close to you, you couldn’t imagine how hurtful those words can be. And the mere idea of the reality behind those words; absolutely terrifying.
I’m going to share a very personal story. I was recently reminded of it and I think it is going to be used to help me going forward. I am only sharing it in hopes it will be helpful to someone else as well.
In 2007, my husband and I separated. It was the most difficult time in my life up to that point. I won’t go into details as they aren’t necessary, but I was completely devastated and it was what seemed to be a hopeless situation.
One day, while at work, I felt as though I heard the Lord speaking to me. It was:
Let go. Let him go.
What?? That totally caught me off guard. I know what it means to hear from God but I couldn’t imagine that He would be leading me to walk away. I thought on it some more…
Let him go. To me.
It finally clicked. I understood. He was telling me to take my hands off the situation and have faith that He was in control and I needed to just give it to Him. I believe it was at this time in my life that I learned what it truly meant to have faith.
God wasn’t promising me that things would be fixed, that I would have my family back, that the outcome would be just what I wanted, etc. He was merely promising me that, whatever the outcome, He had me and I was going to be okay.
There’s so much more to this story but, long story short, I was obedient and God did have His hand on the situation. My family was saved and my marriage was transformed.
What does this have to do with my current situation??
I’ve been stuck. Beyond stuck. No matter how I’ve tried, I just can’t seem to get past the hurt and loss. I miss my husband so much and I just haven’t been able to find happiness. I haven’t been living. I’ve been merely breathing.
I. CAN’T. LET. GO.
Recently God reminded me of that time in 2007; that very time when He dared me to let go and to trust Him. Why??
I’m holding on for dear life to someone that isn’t physically here anymore. I’m holding on to to a life that no longer exists. I’m holding on to the past with everything in me.
I. DON’T. WANT. TO. LET. GO.
God spoke to my heart again:
~You don’t have to let go. At least not in the way you think. But, take your hands off the situation. Give it to me.
Wow. Totally life changing perspective.
You see, I will never “let go” of Jonathan and I will never “move on.” I will, without a shadow of a doubt, hold that love in my heart, forever.
But, I can hand over the situation to God and let Him work in my life. I can allow Him to help me move forward.
I’m at least going to give it my best shot.